Dear Passenger Behind Me in the Parking Lot,
Hey, I’m just writing to make sure you’re not upset with me. It seems you may have misunderstood my intentions this afternoon. I assure you that I meant no harm as I backed up to let another driver pull out of her space. It seems that your boyfriend/husband/friend was in a hurry to get somewhere. No doubt there was a snow emergency that could only be resolved by a Jeep Grand Cherokee plow. I’ll admit that I’ve never seen a Jeep Grand Cherokee with a plow attached, so it may be that I violated some Soccer Mom Plowing Association’s code of conduct in my attempt to be gracious to another driver. If so, I am deeply sorry.
But clearly I did something to upset you. I thought it was nice of your boyfriend/husband/friend to abandon his attempt to pass me once he recognized that doing so might slightly inconvenience the poor woman pulling out of her space. No doubt when you drive a plow, you become acutely aware of the positives and negatives of driving your plow into the side of a car. I’m assuming the negatives outweigh the positives, but I’ll admit that is just a guess. Now, you might be worried that I was irritated by the fact that you stopped in a way that prohibited me from backing up further, but the truth is, the woman backing out had plenty of room to perform a 14 point turn. And anyway, what’s life without a few challenges, right!
However, when you got out of the Grocery Getter Plow and called me an “a$$hole,” it occurred to me that you may have been upset. I want you to know that I did not take it personally. As I said, I’m quite sure I did something wrong. Could it be that the woman I was letting out drives a Subaru Forrester with a plow attached? Oh my, I certainly hope I didn’t give your arch plowing enemy a head start! By the way, if you are at all worried that I am upset, do not give it a second thought. In fact, I was quite happy for you. Based on the way you tottered out of the cab of the “plow” and back in again, it looked as if you got quite a cardiovascular workout (not to mention the increased heart rate you were probably experiencing from the apparent anger), and I think the medical experts will come to the conclusion some day that that’s a good thing. So good for you on getting a leg up (slowly, but that’s OK) on that one. And if you are at all concerned that your boyfriend/husband/friend was at all mortified by your behavior, I say, “Pshaw!” I would guess a little guy like that is quite literally incapable of escaping the thought that he has been given more than he could ever have prayed for with a girlfriend/wife/friend like you!